Therapy for Relationship Patterns

Face-to-face in Melbourne and Online Across Australia

Therapy for shifting unhelpful relationship patterns and moving towards a more fulfilling, grounded experience of love

No one wakes up one day and chooses to feel anxious, abandoned, or jealous in their relationship. When these feelings show up time and time again, they are often the result of childhood experiences that shaped what we came to expect from the people closest to us.

Whether our early relationships involved criticism, emotional inconsistency, or simply growing up in an environment where closeness didn't feel reliably welcomed, these experiences often leave a mark that shows up in adult relationships.

I work with adults who are hoping to understand and shift their relationship patterns that keep getting in the way of the relationship they want. Working across the present and the past, the aim is to make meaningful shifts in how you think, feel, and behave in relationship with others and yourself.

My primary approach is Schema Therapy, an evidence-based therapy developed specifically for patterns rooted in early experience.

This might resonate if…

+ You find yourself anxious in your relationship even when things are objectively fine. You might scan for signs something is wrong, read into silences, or have a sense that you’re waiting for something bad to happen.

+ You tend to put your own needs last, often without realising it. You might find yourself trying to keep the peace, even when it conflicts with your true wants and needs.

+ Conflict feels overwhelming - either you avoid it entirely, or it escalates quickly and you don’t understand how it got there.

+ You find it difficult to feel secure in your relationship, no matter how much reassurance you receive.

+ You notice jealousy or comparison that feels disproportionate or misaligned with your values.

+ You hold your opinions, needs, and emotions back. Showing them fully feels dangerous, even with someone who hasn’t given you a reason to feel that way.

+ You’ve felt versions of this in previous relationships too, and you question why you find yourself in these patterns again and again.

What people are hoping to move towards

  • Feeling secure in your relationship without seeking constant reassurance

  • Knowing what you actually want and being able to ask for it

  • Expressing your needs without feeling like you’re burdening others

  • Sitting with uncertainty in the relationship without it taking over your thinking

  • Trusting that someone can be upset with you without it threatening the relationship itself

  • Trusting that your partner being quiet or distant doesn’t mean something is seriously wrong

  • Having disagreements that can remain grounded and connected

  • Repairing after conflict without shame, guilt, and rumination

  • Feeling like your place in the relationship is something you have, rather than something you have to keep earning

  • Having a clearer sense of who you are that doesn't shift depending on how the relationship is going

  • Feeling secure enough in your relationship that comparison and jealousy don’t consume your thoughts

My work draws primarily on Schema Therapy, an approach developed specifically for long-standing patterns rooted in early experience.

It works on the basis that the emotional responses driving present-day relationship difficulties usually make complete sense when understood in the context of where they came from.

The work involves both understanding those origins and, over time, building new emotional experiences that begin to shift them.

Ready to begin?

I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation to see how we can work together.

Book your free 15-minute consultation →

Not quite ready for therapy, but want to learn more?

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Frequently Asked Questions

  • Schema Therapy is an evidence-based approach developed specifically for long-standing patterns rooted in early experience. It works on the basis that the emotional responses driving present-day relationship difficulties usually make sense once you understand where they came from.

    In practice, this means looking at both how patterns shows up now and where they was first learned, then working over time to build new emotional experiences that begin to shift into healthier patterns in your relationship.

  • No. Many of the patterns this work addresses develop from childhood environments that were inconsistent, critical, or emotionally unpredictable, rather than from a significantly traumatic childhood.

    That said, if you have experienced significant trauma, this work is also well suited to that. Schema Therapy was developed specifically to address patterns rooted in early experience, however that experience looked for you.

  • No. Some people start this work while their relationship is under real strain, and others start it when the relationship is fundamentally fine but something underneath still feels difficult.

    Others aren't in a relationship at all — their patterns might show up as avoiding relationships altogether, finding that things tend to end quickly, or noticing they keep ending up in situationships rather than anything more secure.

    Wherever you're starting from, the work is the same: understanding your own patterns and how they show up, or get avoided, in relationships.

  • No. This is individual therapy, and your partner doesn't need to attend or be involved.

    The focus is on understanding your own patterns and responses, which you can work on regardless of where your partner is at or whether they're interested in therapy themselves.

    If you are interested in couples therapy, you can read more here.

  • Couples therapy involves both partners in the room, focusing on the dynamic between you. This work is individual, focusing on your own patterns, history, and responses in relationships more broadly.

    The two aren't mutually exclusive; some people do this work alongside couples therapy, and others do it instead.

    If you are interested in couples therapy, you can read more here.

  • This is typically mid- to longer-term work. Patterns that have built up over years tend to take time to shift, and meaningful change usually takes sustained work over months rather than weeks.

    The pace and length of therapy depends on the individual, and this is something we'd discuss together as the work progresses.

  • It depends on the type of session and whether you have a Mental Health Treatment Plan from a GP.

    You may be eligible for Medicare rebates for up to:

    • 10 sessions per calendar year with a Mental Health Treatment Plan; or

    • 40 sessions per calendar year with an Eating Disorder Plan.

    Please seek support and, where suitable, a referral from your GP with the appropriate treatment plan. Medicare rebates are currently set at $98.95.

    You can read more about Medicare rebates here.

  • Yes. Sessions are available online across Australia, as well as in person in Carlton North, Melbourne.

  • The first session is focused on me getting and understanding of what brings you to therapy, your current and historical relationship patterns, and any other important information that will be useful for our work together.

    We also discuss your goals for therapy so that we have a clear idea of what we’re working towards.

  • Friends are wonderful for offering support, but they're not positioned to help you understand and shift patterns that repeat across relationships.

    If you've noticed the same difficulty showing up more than once, or you've talked it through with people close to you and it hasn't shifted much, that's often a sign the pattern is something worth exploring with a professional.